25 Unanticipated Realities of Parenthood

This post is inspired by – and dedicated to – my incredibly wonderful family and parent friends without whom I would probably be insane by now …. !
  1. The Mama Bear instinct is utterly overpowering. (Admit it: you really do want to deck any kid that is mean to yours.)
  2. You realize pretty quickly that Mother Nature screwed up royally by not equipping you with an extra arm.
  3. Mothers that are well put-together, serene and skinny are, in fact, aliens sent from another planet to torment you.
  4. Pediatricians are not there to treat sick kids; they exist to talk anxious mothers off the edge.
  5. You will learn that Purell can remove Silly Putty from hair. (Thx Meri!)
  6. You tread on lego pieces, every day, every where.
  7. The moment that the kids are finally asleep is the best part of the day.
  8. You can catch puke in your cleavage.
  9. You shriek ” stop yelling” with disconcerting frequency. Mostly in public.
  10. Your car will never be the same. (You won’t care.)
  11. Play doh is evil.
  12. You will never understand Pokemon. (It’s OK.)
  13. Wine is your savior.
  14. Motrin is also your savior.
  15. Just because your kid likes another kid does not mean that you and that kid’s mother are going to be BFFs. This can lead to awkward play dates.
  16. Children are always smarter than you think.
  17. Managing the family schedule is a full-time job – and the principal source of discussion/negotiation/contention between you and your partner/spouse.
  18. To quote my pediatrician “You cannot make them eat, sleep or poop.” You will however ignore this and believe that you do actually have complete control over their every bodily function.
  19. Other moms are rockingly awesome. They are fantastic. You need them. Treat them with love and care. Especially the ones that share the same survival instincts.
  20. Alone time is sacrosanct. Woe be to him who tampers with it.
  21. Laundry. Laundry. Laundry. Nuff said.
  22. You don’t look back for a second. You can’t look forward either. But being in the here and now is a challenge.
  23. The cost of daycare/preschool for one, let alone two or more kids, will take your breath away.
  24. The cost of summer camp will bankrupt you.
  25. Parenting = a sliding scale of incompetence. Don’t fight it. Embrace it!

I am 689635% sure you have more suggestions to add ………. Be my guest!

 

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12 Comments

  1. Gale

     /  January 29, 2012

    Well done! Don’t forget the “sliding scale of incompetence”! Embrace humility, because no sooner do you figure something out with the little ones, and the rules change, and you’re outsmarted once again. You will find you’re always questioning your judgement and intelligence!

    Reply
  2. Annie Moore

     /  January 29, 2012

    Very cute! Believe it or not (and I’m sure a source of relief), I have nothing to add to this! Well done!

    Reply
  3. Ah Gale, how could I forget the “sliding scale of incompetence!” So classic.

    Reply
  4. Annie Moore

     /  January 30, 2012

    Yes, that sliding scale keeps us on our toes and forces us to adapt, come out of our comfort zone, and flex with their personalities. Like so many things in life-it is a dance, sometimes graceful and sometimes like a flamenco, where you feel like you are stomping out a fire!!!

    Reply
  5. Absolutely perfect! Legos are everywhere in my house and my love for wine is directly proportional to the age of my children. Fantastic post

    Reply
  6. CJ – that made me laugh out loud! Thanks for taking the time to comment.

    Reply
  7. Love ‘em. Number 18 is so painfully true.

    Reply
  8. Thanks; glad you enjoyed them.

    Reply
  9. Sandra Charron

     /  February 13, 2013

    Samantha, this was awesome, and all I can say it: thank goodness playdoe was never a fan-favourite in my house. One experience with that stuff and my carpet still has it dried into it! Love this, made me laugh!

    Reply
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