I’ve never been a fan of feet.
Sure, they help you stand up, which is useful. But apart from ensuring our verticalness, it is my humble opinion that feet serve no redeeming purpose.
Feet are ugly, full of callouses, dead skin, fungi, warts, blisters, bunions, gnarly toes and scratchy nails. They are usually smelly. They get hot and swollen from hours of being stuffed into oxygen-deprived socks and often ill-fitting shoes.
Don’t even get me started on toe nails and the heinous act of nail clipping.
If you are fortunate enough to have reasonably-sized ones, then a nice pair of shoes go a long way towards covering up the uselessness and ugliness of your feet.
Even podiatry is an ugly word.
Babies are the sole proprietors of cute, beautiful, sweet smelling feet. This lasts until they are about 3 or 4 years old, when their cuteness converts into sweaty, smelliness.
In my vision of things, we’d have no feet. Rather, we would have a beautiful assortment of shoes that are solid, filled with the appropriate amount of weight to keep us upright. We would just slot them onto our ankles when we get up and remove them to sleep.
Is that so ridiculous?
Thanks for listening.
P.S. Don’t ever search Google for images of ugly feet – you have been warned.