This post is inspired by – and dedicated to – my incredibly wonderful family and parent friends without whom I would probably be insane by now …. !
- The Mama Bear instinct is utterly overpowering. (Admit it: you really do want to deck any kid that is mean to yours.)
- You realize pretty quickly that Mother Nature screwed up royally by not equipping you with an extra arm.
- Mothers that are well put-together, serene and skinny are, in fact, aliens sent from another planet to torment you.
- Pediatricians are not there to treat sick kids; they exist to talk anxious mothers off the edge.
- You will learn that Purell can remove Silly Putty from hair. (Thx Meri!)
- You tread on lego pieces, every day, every where.
- The moment that the kids are finally asleep is the best part of the day.
- You can catch puke in your cleavage.
- You shriek ” stop yelling” with disconcerting frequency. Mostly in public.
- Your car will never be the same. (You won’t care.)
- Play doh is evil.
- You will never understand Pokemon. (It’s OK.)
- Wine is your savior.
- Motrin is also your savior.
- Just because your kid likes another kid does not mean that you and that kid’s mother are going to be BFFs. This can lead to awkward play dates.
- Children are always smarter than you think.
- Managing the family schedule is a full-time job – and the principal source of discussion/negotiation/contention between you and your partner/spouse.
- To quote my pediatrician “You cannot make them eat, sleep or poop.” You will however ignore this and believe that you do actually have complete control over their every bodily function.
- Other moms are rockingly awesome. They are fantastic. You need them. Treat them with love and care. Especially the ones that share the same survival instincts.
- Alone time is sacrosanct. Woe be to him who tampers with it.
- Laundry. Laundry. Laundry. Nuff said.
- You don’t look back for a second. You can’t look forward either. But being in the here and now is a challenge.
- The cost of daycare/preschool for one, let alone two or more kids, will take your breath away.
- The cost of summer camp will bankrupt you.
- Parenting = a sliding scale of incompetence. Don’t fight it. Embrace it!
I am 689635% sure you have more suggestions to add ………. Be my guest!