Feet Are Overrated

I’ve never been a fan of feet.

Sure, they help you stand up, which is useful. But apart from ensuring our verticalness, it is my humble opinion that feet serve no redeeming purpose.

Feet are ugly, full of callouses, dead skin, fungi, warts, blisters, bunions, gnarly toes and scratchy nails. They are usually smelly. They get hot and swollen from hours of being stuffed into oxygen-deprived socks and often ill-fitting shoes.

Don’t even get me started on toe nails and the heinous act of nail clipping.

If you are fortunate enough to have reasonably-sized ones, then a nice pair of shoes go a long way towards covering up the uselessness and ugliness of your feet.

Even podiatry is an ugly word.

Babies are the sole proprietors of cute, beautiful, sweet smelling feet. This lasts until they are about 3 or 4 years old, when their cuteness converts into sweaty, smelliness.

In my vision of things, we’d have no feet. Rather, we would have a beautiful assortment of shoes that are solid, filled with the appropriate amount of weight to keep us upright. We would just slot them onto our ankles when we get up and remove them to sleep.

Is that so ridiculous?

Thanks for listening.

P.S. Don’t ever search Google for images of ugly feet – you have been warned.


Leave a comment


  1. Yes there are many unattractive features of feet, I should know as i have been working with them for 20 years as an Orthotist. I have seen some of the most ugly and deformed feet around. On the other hand there are feet that are soft, clean and structurally sound. They can actually be VERY attractive! The thing is that most people do not think about them much.

    Even women in Melbourne, where we have our practice Complete Feet, do not take much care of their feet during Winter, and then OMG! the warmer weather comes and they panic as their feet have been squashed into enclosed shoes with unshaven legs.
    We get so many calls at the start of Australian spring to make thier feet ‘look’ better, and have created a Medical pedicure that gives the feet a new lease of life!

    • See I absolutely cannot imagine treating feet as your profession. Ugh. Shivers. But, hey, to each their own. What’s a medical pedicure, out of curiosity?

      P.s. I love Melbourne. Bought an awesome pair of shoes there a decade ago!

  2. jessica cohen

     /  July 11, 2012

    see…i feel the same way about teeth. They are a major human body design flaw. From the moment you are born, you have problems: falling out, plaque build up, gum disease, cavities etc etc. Plus, unless you are blessed with great genes or enough money to get them whitened and straightened…most people’s teeth are yucky.

    • Never thought of that but you are right! Whip ’em out early on, replace with falsies and save everyone the pain and cost of dental work…..

  1. Kids and Shoes and the Empty Wallet | Keeping the Glass Half Full

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