The Crazy Things My Kids Say

My husband and I are both silly people so it stands to reason that our kids are silly too. Nature and nurture at work, I suspect. My son is an entertainer, a crowd-pleaser, a goof ball. The next Conan O’Brien, in my opinion. My daughter is quirky, very much her own person, and frequently in her own little universe.

I’ve never really taken the time to formally journal their development or write down the funny things they say (after all, isn’t that what Facebook is for?!) But I thought it was high time to publish a best-of-the-best of the crazy things my kids have said so far this year (while they were aged 4-5 and 7.) So without further ado, here goes. Hope you find them as entertaining as this doting Mom does.

Me: “You know today is the Jewish New Year and that you both are half Jewish.”
T: “Yes, and I am half English too.”
Me: “That’s right, you’re also half American and half Catholic.”
T: “Huh?”
G: “What, I thought I was Chinese.”

Me to G: “So do you know what Rosh Hashana is about?”
G: “Yes, Columbus!”

T: “I have lots of big nuts in my hair”

G “It’s almost Fall; I need to start getting ready to hibernate.”

T: “Mama, I just found Papa’s screw …..”

T: (watching men’s Olympic diving) “it’s underpants diving”

T: “Whoa I just saw some humans parking a car””

Me to T: “What are you going to dream about tonight?”
T: “I have to finish last night’s dream.”
Me: “Ok what was last night’s dream about?”
T: “I don’t remember.”

Me: “So T, you see, in Germany, they speak German. In Italy, they speak Italian”
T: “And in France, they speak fries.”

G (imitating a circus ring master:) “Ladies & genitals (at least that’s what it sounded like) – the clown with no balls will now juggle.”

T to G: “You be Optimus and I’ll be the green guy with one eye.”

Me to T: “What do you want to be when you grow up?”
T: “A painter.”
Me: “That’s cool, why do you want to be a painter?”
T: “So I can paint rainbows.”

Me to G: “How was school today?”
G: “Delicious!”

G: “Help, the decepticons are about to evade our earth”
T: “Taking evasive action”

T: “I can’t close my eyes & go to sleep because my eyeballs still have eyes in them.”

T: “I have an office with lots of computers where I play ‘Mad Birds.’ It’s called the Apple Store.”

Me to T: “What did you dream about last night?”
T: “Flowers on a mountain that smelled like dried apples.”

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